| haikus during school
spinning with distraction
why can't i escape?
poisoning my mind
residue of obsession
my body cringes
i ask "disappear!"
you always linger here
when will i be free?
[taken with the diana] |
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| what mess have i gotten myself into?
already?? |
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| as when we were all little.
i thought to myself:
"this christmas im going to splurge on everybody because i didnt buy any birthday presents!"
but then the day before Christmas eve, when i was about to leave the house to buy christmas presents, I saw that envelope from Commerce.
I opened it, and bit my lip.
my meager paycheck from two shifts at work wasn't enough.
Lets rewind to about a month ago. I got an 80$ paycheck, pay-cuts, you know? everyone was unhappy with their paychecks that week, and me especially. Christmas Banquet was coming up, and I didnt want to burden my parents with buying my dress and shoes and such. So i went out and bought my own dress and shoes and bra (which doesnt even fit, go figure). I had a nice time at Christmas Banquet, but me and Spencer didnt even get pictures taken due to our tardy-ness. Commerce always takes their time in sending those little envelopes so that you dont know you have overspent, and you keep overspending so they can make more money off you. Anyways I bought a couple meals, eggrolls for a homeless kid, stupid shit like that and now its Christmas eve and i have no money for presents for my family.
I start crying and ask my mother for money.
It wasnt a big deal a few years ago, but now I feel terrible, using my mothers money to buy something for her. I have a job, for christssake. I try to take the least amount possible, not taking into consideration how much i wanted to give my parents and sister. I buy the wok for my mother, at 20$, i still have 20$ for each of the other two family members. I didnt bother getting anything for Amanda, i made her a coupon booklet for her birthday days ago. I buy a 15$ pink snuggie for the family, and realize i dont have enough money to get something else for dad, and the makeup i wanted to buy for leah.
I go back home, ask father for some money.
I didnt know it at the time, but he gave me 80$ of the 200$ him and mother were giving us for Christmas.
I bought leah the nice makeup set i picked out before, and bought dad a couple of books.
I got me and dad some lunch and took it home.
Christmas came around, and here are the goods:
From Mom and Dad:
-120$
(that will have to be given to the bank for overdraft fees, and wont even cover all of them)
-grey leggings
-chocolate gold coins
-gum
-chapstick
-a body pillow
From Leah:
-a purse with one of those fruiffy toy dogs printed on it
(one of those purses thats meant for a pre-teen)
From Manda:
-smart wool socks
-a cute headband
-a recycled sweater-into-a-scarf
the three tragedies of christmas 09:
1. the only thing of substance my parents gave me that they knew i would like was cash.
2. all the cash must go to the bank to pay my debt.
3. i am in debt for overspending on myself so that my parents wouldnt have to spend money on me.
the recession has hit
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| the night was great.
[and i didnt have to be a total bitch to make it that way.]
it was really nice spending so much time with you, tess.
missed you robert, and im sorry sorry and more sorry about friday...
:]
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but-
sorry, my mistake.
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what is this world coming to???
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True
